Did we really make a difference?
 |
| Author holding child at Cotlands. |
by Katherine H. Murray Frommelt
As I began this year, my 37th as a nurse, I stopped to reflect
on what it really means to be a nurse and was reminded of a very
special journey. In March 2004, my daughter Molly and I had the
privilege of traveling to South Africa with a delegation of nurses
from the United States to help with the HIV/AIDS crisis.
The visit was under the direction of People to People Ambassador
Programs. According to Chief Executive Officer Mary J. Eisenhower,
granddaughter of former President Eisenhower, founder of the organization,
her grandfather had the simple thought that “people can
make a difference where the government cannot. Delegates represent
the best of our hope, courage, openness and a love of peace.”
Our focus was to promote understanding, share information and
ideas, be both teachers and students, and create ongoing communication.
For me, the trip turned out to be truly a journey of the heart.
We had opportunity to visit a variety of health care agencies
on our trip, including the University of Pretoria’s Center
for the Study of AIDS, the AIDS Care Training and Support (ACTS)
Rural Community Initiative, the loveLife Youth Center, Doctors
Without Borders (Médecins Sans Frontières), Mothers
to Mothers-to-Be, the Treatment Action Campaign, the Department
of Health’s HIV/AIDS and Tuberculosis Unit, the Maternal
and Infant Health Strategies Research Unit and one of my favorites,
Cotlands Baby Sanctuary. We also met with United States Ambassador
Cameron Hume at the U.S. embassy.
Before we left for South Africa, Molly and I were asked to do
a live interview at a local radio station. Two questions the interviewer
asked us haunted me throughout our journey. He asked us 1) if
we really believed that the people of South Africa wanted us there
and 2) if we truly believed that we could make a difference during
the trip’s two-week time frame. I responded that I did believe
they wanted us there and that if I could make a difference to
even one person, if I could hold even one dying child, I would
believe I had made a difference.
After visiting Cotlands Baby Sanctuary, I kept hearing those
questions in my mind. Cotlands, founded nearly 70 years ago as
a care center for unwed mothers and their infants, has evolved
during the last decade into a shelter for abused, abandoned and
HIV-positive, terminally ill children from birth to 9 years of
age.
The
organization’s staff members are awesome. The morning we
arrived, one child had just died and two more were actively dying
in the hospice wing. I watched staff members lovingly care for
these children, some having a baby in each arm while using a foot
to rock another terminally ill child in an infant seat. “AIDS
orphans” and child-headed households are now commonplace
in South Africa, a country with one of the largest populations
of HIV/AIDS-infected people in the world.
We loved our time there and had opportunity to interact with
these wonderful caregivers and some of the most remarkable children
I have ever met. They were so happy to see us—they showed
us around, posed for pictures, played with us and repeatedly asked
for hugs.
We had supplies with us that had been generously donated by students,
faculty and staff from our college. When Sister Stella, the head
nurse, saw what we had brought—simple things such as toothbrushes,
Chapstick, clothing and Tylenol—she looked at one of her
colleagues with tears in her eyes and said, “Oh, it is too
much, we will have to share.”
As we were preparing to leave Cotlands, I asked a little fellow
if I could have a kiss goodbye. Suddenly, there was a whole group
of children surrounding me, saying, “Please kiss, Mrs.,
please kiss.” A little girl to whom Molly had become very
attached followed us everywhere, including to the door. As we
left, our group looked back to see a row of tiny faces pushed
against the window. Sister Stella looked to Molly and said, “You
come back and fetch your girl now.”
Again, the interviewer’s questions came back to me. I knew
the people in South Africa welcomed us, but I wondered if we had
really made a difference.
When we arrived at the hotel that evening, Molly and I decided
not to attend the group dinner, as I had been ill for two days
and needed to rest. I ordered a sandwich for her.
Throughout our travels, we wore badges that identified us as
United States ambassadors. We also had ambassador tags on our
luggage. As the young man delivering the sandwich handed me the
tray, he pointed to my badge and said, “Mrs., are you with
the group?” I responded that I was.
“Is it true that you are from America?” Again, I
said yes.
“My whole life,” he said, “I never thought that
I would be privileged enough to meet someone from the U.S.A. Is
it really true that you are nurses?”
I responded affirmatively and he said, “To be a nurse,
you must be so proud. Nurses, they do such wonderful things, and
now you have come to help us. Bless you. Bless you.”
I couldn’t remember the last time I had thought about how
proud I was to be a nurse and what wonderful things I get to do.
Bowing, the young man started to cry and then asked the question
I had learned to dread: “And Mrs., can you bring us hope,
hope for this terrible disease that is killing my people?”
I responded that there was not yet a cure, but that people in
our country were working every day to find one, and people were
now living longer and better lives, and we really wanted to help.
Still bowing and crying, he said, “Mrs., can you make me
a promise?” I, of course, said I would try, depending on
what he wanted. He said, “When you return to your country,
will you tell more people to come here?” I said I would.
“I have another promise to ask for,” he said. “When
you go home, will you tell our story?”
I told him I was a teacher, and that I certainly would tell his
story to anyone and everyone who would listen.
“Bless you,” he responded, “and bless all those
American nurses.”
I had my answer to the reporter’s questions, and my daughter
and I have kept our promises. We have now given more than 18 talks
on South Africa, and we continue to communicate with Cotlands
Baby Sanctuary and send them support.
Molly’s girl is doing well. Every time we speak about our
journey to South Africa, I share this young man’s story.
I thank people for listening—just as I thank you for reading
this—because every time I tell this story, I am keeping
a promise. And I try to always remember to be proud to be a nurse.
RNL
Katherine “Kay” H. Murray Frommelt, RN, PhD,
FT, is chair and professor of the Department of Nursing and Health
at Clarke College in Dubuque, Iowa.
For more photos, click on images below: